Oliver Nassar

shot at close range..

The activists said they shot at close range and stabbed many people, including women and children under the age of two, and that some of the bodies were later burnt in houses which were set on fire.

Those words ought to arouse frustration, and sadness, and anger.
And they do.

A first look at Miley Cyrus' stunning 3.5-carat sparkler designed by Neil Lane! Plus, more details on the happy couple's engagement.

Those words ought to arouse frustration, and sadness, and anger.
And they do.

And here I am, feeling moved to write. To write about the disconnection I feel from true horror. To write about the extremes of death and destruction being thrown at me just as readily as the extremes of materialism and distraction.

Moved to write about how connected, and disconnected, I feel to both of those realms.
Of feeling horrified of both those realms.

But part of this is a lie.
I want to write about how angry I am that I'm not more angry.
How frustrated I am by my complacency, and how challenging it is that it is so, honestly justifiable.

Of course I'm complacent; that is not my life.
Diamond-rings, and weddings, and celebrities.
That is what I was brought up in.
That is what I am exposed to.

Bring up the savage murder of children in a country that few, including myself, can pronounce in the respective native tongue, and people will question your grip on reality. They will label you, and become conscious of conversational flow, so as to prevent it from stumbling back to that uncomfortable place.

Bring up her new diamond ring, and hop-scotch from tangent to tangent: weddings, and money, and power, and movies. You will be accepted because they will understand these things, and by extension, presume to understand you.

I want to bring up death, because it's realer to me than diamond rings.
I want to bring up anger, because it's realer to me than materialism.

And at the end of all this, there is, simply, unmoving anger.
There is anger that gets added to the pile.

And there is my patience and sobriety.
And hope.

That this anger will be used to create something to help someone.
That this raw emotion cannot be used linearly to better others, or myself.
That it's path is as windy as our lives are.

That I cannot predict how my life will turn out, but that I must trust the decisions I make.
That I cannot predict how this anger will be used, but that I must trust it's place in my heart.